Recently, I overheard my girlfriend Lisa leaving a babbling message on a guy’s answering machine after a first date. Even though things went well, Lisa was a bundle of self-doubt and nerves as she talked herself into thinking he might not call again. I was dumbfounded at the confusing, negative voicemail. The long and short of it is that Lisa ended up spoiling things with this new man before they even got started.
Are You Sabotaging Your Love Life?
When I asked my girlfriend what that message was all about, Lisa shrugged her shoulders and said it wasn’t going to last anyway. If I had been coaching Lisa, a beautiful, smart, funny, independent woman who is a great catch, I would have asked how she felt about herself before posting a profile on the dating sites.
To me, she had some clear barriers preventing her from letting things unfold naturally with a man. By all outward appearances, Lisa is a beautiful woman, but my guess is she doesn’t feel quite so attractive on the inside.
Many people dating online think it’s all about the profile photo (yes, that’s important too) and profile. That’s why many singles might overlook the importance of being emotionally ready to date. Your inner chatter in your head and heart determines your potential for relationship success that begins with online dating.
Feeling strong, exuding genuine self-confidence, being ready to risk falling in love or getting rejected are all emotional qualities that create your unique inner beauty that often overshadows your looks.
It’s a Chicken and Egg Thing – NOT!
A lot of women tell me they’ll feel better about themselves after they meet a great guy. They’re expecting a new man to make their life better or fill a void. With compassion, I explain to my clients how they are likely wasting time with this approach. You need to feel good about yourself first or it will be next to impossible to attract the quality man you desire. As a single woman looking for love, you are the only one who can turn this around.
Take the Inner Beauty Quiz
A quick way to know if you’re emotionally ready for online dating is to take my Inner Beauty Quiz. Answer yes or no to the following questions.
- You feel upset when you have one great date and never hear from the guy again
- His texting for weeks shows genuine interest in you
- When a man is rude on a first date, it brings up anger from previous men you dated or had relationships with
- You email on the dating sites with men for weeks waiting to meet them
- You are in touch with 8-10 men, keeping them all going in case any of them ask you out
- When a man stops emailing before you get to meet, you feel sad and rejected
- When a man sees you twice, then stops calling and texting, you often wonder if it was something you did wrong
- When you go